Kinky DD

In the last year or so, I’ve been checking out some blogs that feature the subject of FLR and/or DD where the wife or female partner in the relationship is the Head of Household or domestic disciplinarian. On this topic, there are so many interesting aspects to explore, it is hard to know where to start. One idea that comes up a lot is how partners in this dynamic reconcile competing motivations that involve satisfying a kink and applying effective punishment. How do we separate penalty from reward? One possible solution for some is to look for punishments that fail to satisfy the kink. If spanking or other embarrassments are causing an erection, then try something dry or utilitarian like chores, grounding and loss of privileges. This may deflate his enthusiasm in the moment. If her control is the turn on, the kink is alive and well, but if he needs the spanking as punishment, what keeps the desire for DD alive?

We are all different, and I don’t know how others feel about it but, for me, I see no practical problem with kinky DD. A penalty is still a penalty. There is always the bigger picture that is the reward. In one discussion I was involved in the other day, we were talking about a scenario involving a husband seeing a professional spanking disciplinarian. Another ongoing topic is exposure of the relationship to friends and family, or public embarrassment and humiliation. Are we talking about punishment or fetish fulfillment? Can it be both?

I see a trip or threatened trip to a professional disciplinarian as a real deterrent. Despite my erotic fascination with disciplinarians, I see it as one effective way for my wife to influence my behavior and attitude to her satisfaction. I can freely admit to her that the whole idea is arousing to me, and yet she remains confident that this disciplinary tool she wields is a powerful one. An erotic idea or fantasy is not necessarily a desire we want to endure in reality. A punishment spanking administered by a professional skilled at modifying behavior is daunting enough, but when you add the shame to be witnessed by my wife, it is too much to bear. On the way to my punishment, feelings I experienced growing up would be back, high anxiety and a level of devastation, sorry and ashamed about whatever had caused me to be in this awful situation. As an adult, sexual arousal may be possible for me in these circumstances, but that would not really change anything either way. In the days following, if I was aroused by the thoughts around what had happened, that would not diminish my sincerity in wanting to avoid any future trips to the disciplinarian.

The proof, though, is in the pudding. My wife would have to see the tool as being effective, or it would be discarded as an option. I think that is how it should work in the FLR and DD dynamic. Sexual arousal and the measure of eroticism around the desire for real discipline may not be simple to untangle, so it is in the clear evidence of the result that determines the methods and practices a wife employs. What is promoting good behavior and attitude? Whether it is spanking, grounding, loss of privileges or whatever, punishment should produce what my wife desires. The attraction for me is that she embodies the power and authority, and knowing she will use it to control our domestic relationship. Avoiding punishment is the day-to-day routine that enhances our sexual relationship, and it is the prospect of a spanking that is both an arousing possibility and a demonstrably effective deterrent. If spanking is not a genuine deterrent, if it doesn’t actually work as effective discipline, it loses its power to fuel my kink. My wife must have confidence and no doubt that her spanking is an unwanted punishment and, like a parent, she must see that it corrected or improved whatever important issue she was addressing. Spanking is the message that the issue is very serious to her and must be taken very seriously by me. There is irony in the fact that the erotic power of spanking is also its practical power. The evidence of her real power is the impact it has on her husband - seeing that the lesson was learned.

The aftermath of kinky punishment is erotic, but does that render it ineffective? In the days and weeks following a spanking, I can imagine it being effective for my wife to reinforce the discipline by keeping it alive as a matter of conscious awareness. If the behavior has really been changed for the better, she will call it to my attention by voicing her satisfaction, possibly giving praise or other reward. The awareness is on display - yes, spanking works. If there is the hint of any slippage, a small verbal nudge of a reminder is likely to put things quickly back on track. Again, awareness of the prevailing regime under her authority that discourages rebellion in a way similar to a strict parent managing the behavior of a teenager. Should there be any sign that the lesson may have been forgotten, a more demonstrative reminder and threat is going to be a sharp wake-up call.

The power of an authentic disciplinary spanking is that the memory of it is a threat that can’t and won’t be taken lightly. For example, she might say we need to have a talk, and I am led to the living room and directed to sit with her on the couch. On an otherwise cleared coffee table, the solid wooden hairbrush she uses for spanking has been placed clearly visible. Her confidence is reflected in a talk that is calm and not contentious, just getting the facts straight and acknowledging the problem, however, my attention is laser focused on her concerns as I hope the brush is only for show. There is a huge sigh of relief when the discussion ends without a spanking, while I am left highly aroused by the demonstration of the reality of her authority and her determination to wield it in such a fashion that uses the display of the hairbrush as both a symbol of female authority and a pulse-raising tangible threat. That is a good example to me of how eroticism and effective discipline coexist in a female led relationship. My kink is being satisfied while she has the benefit of effective communication and control. The additional effect is that her natural sexual power is enhanced, more seductive and, ideally, she derives kinky pleasure from my humility. If she equates spanking with humility, then the seduction of her authority will be breathtakingly potent. A better run household and better sex combine for a stronger and more intimate marriage. Obedience and having to respect the rules is an imposition that requires sacrifice, and punishment is certainly not a welcomed ordeal, but so much positive energy is brought to the relationship with a strict wife who spanks.